Thursday, April 18, 2013

This route has tolls

I was sick earlier this week, and home for two days. On top of that, there was an interruption in my internet service on the second day. It came back, but meanwhile, I didn't feel up to even getting up off the couch, so I read. A whole book. In one sitting. Which is a thing I used to do all the time (I read Gone with the Wind, which was 1,024 pages long, when I was sick for four days in middle school), but not so much anymore.

Two things about that:

  • The book was Nevada, by Imogen Binnie, and both Nevada and Imogen Binnie are pretty terrific. If you're looking for your next book, I recommend it. The honesty of all the characters — not just the main one — is sort of breathtaking. (One of my favorite poets blogged about it, too.)
  • In it, the main character, Maria, talks very briefly a couple of times about feeling self-pity in lieu of other emotions. It is a very minor piece of the overall book, but I'd been sick on the couch for two days, and it resonated. I totally do that, though I am not sure I'd have identified it that way. Like, I start feeling something powerful, and very quickly it spirals into a big wah wah wah I'm worthless fest, which cannot be remedied by actual awareness that I am in no way worthless, or even by being told by others how terrific (or unworthless) I am (which, in general, I like a whole lot). I think maybe it only gets remedied by:
    • falling asleep, or
    • actually feeling whatever else I'm trying to avoid.

So, that's where my head is. Just me? What's your Thursday look like?

1 comment:

Joe said...

Hope you are on the mend, CMC. It has been a tough winter/spring for sure. I landed the flu a couple of weeks ago and am just starting to emerge from it. Total pissah.