31 Days of Secrets and Lies: Day 31

The total secret-to-lie ratio is 15:16. That includes this post.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 30

Salmon is to taste as cowbell is to sound.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 29

I have a fear of dogs, but only when they are in water.

:Shudder.:

Creepy.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 28

I wrote this after skipping Day 28 and writing days 29 and 30, then predated it so it would show up earlier.

31 Days of Secrets and Lies: Day 27

I am not yet ready to declare, as one impressive friend (and reader) has, that I have "for certain, and with no regrets, broken up with Diet Coke." But I haven't had one in two days, and don't plan on having one today.

31 Days of Secrets and Lies: Day 26

The last adult penis I saw was Daniel Radcliffe's.

Also, I originally wrote, "The last adult penis I saw was Harry Potter's," which was funnier, but Harry Potter's a kid, so it didn't make sense. And was creepy.

31 Days of Secrets and Lies: Day 25

When I want to feel like a rich lady on vacation, I go get a lobster sandwich at D'Angelo.

I want to feel like a rich lady on vacation more than you would think.

31 Days of Secrets and Lies: Day 24

I spent literally 45 minutes today trying to learn enough Photoshop to graft dragon wings onto an owl. I still do not know that much Photoshop, but decided that the image I found of an owl with angel wings and a halo was sufficient for the point I was trying to make to my coworker.

31 Days of Secrets and Lies: Day 23

Fireworks as we know them were invented by Benjamin Franklin in France, for the express purpose of irritating his neighbors and scaring their horses.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 22

Living in New Hampshire, I have had opportunity to hear dozens of presidential hopefuls, and I've attended two presidential inaugurations. The two actual presidents I've actually met were Ford and Clinton.

I'm sure there's a joke there, but I'm not the one who has it.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 21

Last night, I pulled this carrot:




...out of this bag of "Baby-Cut Carrots":

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 20

In Rhode Island, it is illegal to feed beer to a parrot unless you are consuming a comparable amount of beer yourself.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 19

On more than one occasion, I have had groups of people with a lot of cash successfully beg me to be the bank/house/dealer so they could play blackjack. This one comes with a moral: Don't do that. The house always wins, and this particular house will feel bad that she just took all your tip money within hours of you getting it. So bad she'll buy you breakfast at McDonald's and still go home with most of your money.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 18

My original middle name was "8." I used to use it, but then I was worried people would think I was copying Jennifer 8. Lee, which I totally was not.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 17

I once semi-accidentally convinced a former Mormon that it is common practice in the Congregational (UCC) church for a person to dress in a comma suit and do a special comma dance down the aisle.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 16

8 percent of women aged 35 to 45 cite Leif Garrett as their first celebrity crush.

.002 percent of women in the same age bracket cite Leif Ericson, which is just peculiar.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 15 (also a little late)

The last thing I plagiarized was a fifth grade paper on birds and flight. I'd procrastinated writing it and had to do it early the morning it was due. I didn't copy word-for-word out of the encyclopedia, but I did copy some concepts I didn't completely understand, without taking the time to actually understand them. I was caught when my parents, who asked to read the paper, were pretty sure I didn't know what "sinews" were.

Among the things I regret about that episode are that I made my parents explain the pitfalls of intellectual dishonesty while groggy and in bed and still drinking their first cup of coffee.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 14 (a little late)

The active ingredients in duct tape and Avon's Skin So Soft are the same.

31 Days of Secrets and Lies: Day 13

I listen to right-wing talk radio a lot, and by "a lot," I mean for several minutes nearly every day.

31 Days of Secrets & Lies: Day 12

I read five advice columns regularly. I really like one of them.