Tuesday, September 20, 2011

19 Secrets Women Wish Men Knew

I inadvertently stumbled across this today: 19 Secrets Women Wish Men Knew.

And damned if I know why I still click on garbage like that, but I do.

I think I keep hoping that someday, that list will look like this:

  1. Women are not all the same, and they don't all want the same things from the men around them. People who claim to know what women as a giant group want are lying to you. That said, here are 18 more secrets women who think exactly like me wish some men (because men also are not all the same) knew:
  2. Over our lifetimes, you will probably make more money than I will, even though I will probably need that money to last a longer time, and I do not blame you as an individual for that, but I do resent it a little.  
  3. If you think my hormones occasionally make me irrational, you are probably correct, though I don't notice it. But know what? So do yours. Shut up.
  4. My body isn't here for you, particularly if you are a total stranger or casual acquaintance. It wouldn't be if I were a straight woman, and it still isn't now. If you think it looks good, or bad, or whatever, you should probably mostly remember that it's not about you.
  5. When a woman is uninterested in you romantically, and you take that opportunity to whine about how nice guys finish last, to her or to me, it makes me want to stab myself.
  6. When you're sexist or homophobic or transphobic on Facebook, I consider unfriending you, even if I think you're hilarious all the rest of the time. Ditto racist, but I feel like the homophobia and transphobia are more male-specific in my broad circle of friends.
  7. I am sorry that porn has so weirdly misrepresented lesbian sex to you, but you do know that's not real, right? It's not real.
  8. (Regarding #8 from the link above:) Arbitrary gauges of when you "should" sleep with someone (whether it's the third date or after a couple of months) are just that: arbitrary. Sleep with people when you both (or all) want to, including but not limited to: immediately, never, after you're married, on the third date.
  9. When other dudes make cracks about sexual assault or rape, and you don't call them on it, you are telling any rapists who are listening (whether the guy who made the crack or not) what your response will be when it comes right down to it.
  10. I don't hate men. Seriously, ask the men I love how loving I can be. Cousin Mouse? Joe? Amiright? I just don't so much feel inclined to accept irritating behavior merely on the basis of your manly masculinity.
  11. That condescending chuckle does not convince me that you are older or wiser than I am if you are not, in fact, older or wiser. And if you are older, wiser, or both, I probably knew it without the condescending chuckle, even though I am a woman.
  12. When you distinguish between sports and women's sports ("basketball" and "women's basketball," "soccer" and "women's soccer"), I die a little. If you need to distinguish because it's important and not clear from context, that's what the word "men's" is for.
  13. Being a gay dude doesn't mean you're not sexist.
  14. OK, one tip for straight dudes on the make, but I'm damn well burying it in the middle: The small of the back. But only when you're far enough along that you know she'll be all right with you touching her there. This is not your opening move. The collarbone may yield similar results.
  15. The toilet seat thing? Not as big a deal as basic respect. You can tell because if you leave the toilet seat up but treat me as an equal, you'll get a better response than if you leave the toilet seat down but don't.
  16. Why are you sitting like that on the bus? Do you think I'll think your penis is bigger if you take up half my seat as well as your own by spreading your knees as far apart as you can? I don't think about how big your penis is at all; I just think about how I wish you weren't in my space.
  17. If you are an American, you should be at least as familiar with the Nineteenth Amendment as you are with the Second Amendment. We're more than half the population.
  18. Breastfeeding? Also not about you, unless you are the child in question, in which case, good for you for seeking out such excellent reading on the internet. You can be my new friend. Make sure your parents know you're commenting before you do, please.
  19. Some women, including your mother/daughter/sister/girlfriend/wife/boss, will disagree with some or all of what I think. See #1. But a lot of ladies like when you ask their opinions about things that matter to them and then take the answers seriously. The best way to find out what women want is to ask them.


Genny said...

Thanks for YOUR list, and thank you for not including photos that make me want to puke like WebMD did.

bzzzzgrrrl said...

No kidding, right? Particularly the "dress to impress" one. As one friend pointed out, not impressive.

Anonymous said...


And #4 makes me want to give you a standing ovation.

I hear so many men complain about women's clothing, complain about the proliferation of women choosing comfort over looking sexy, complain about me wearing flats (always, even to a formal wedding) rather than heels.

And you know what? IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Can you imagine me complaining about your paunch, about your bald spot (ugh why didn't he get plugs?), about your button cuffs?

No! I don't assume that people exist to be pleasing to my eye.


Joe said...

I have NEVER doubted the love, CMC. Back at ya.