Coffee filter

It has come to my attention that it might be time for another "lexicon of New England" discussion.

If you go into a Dunkin' Donuts or local coffee shop or diner in New England, and order a coffee regular (or regular coffee) (or coffee regulah), you are going to get a cup of coffee with cream and sugar in it. That is what coffee regular means up here.

When I was a kid, that wasn't a problem, because no one who didn't know the code would ever ask for a regular coffee. If you wanted your coffee black, you'd say, "black coffee," or "coffee," and if they asked if you want cream or sugar, you'd say, "no, thanks, pally."

But now, there are these thousand other kinds of coffee. There's stuff with flavoring in it, and there are cappuccinos and lattes and other things with funny names. There are fourteen kinds of sweeteners and seven kinds of dairy and nondairy coffee lighteners. There are extensive coffee menus, which prompt many people to exclaim with exasperation that they "just want a regular coffee!"

And in most of the country, at most fancy coffee shops, that will get you an amused little smirk and a cup of black coffee.

But not up here.

It is my secret suspicion that that is why so many coffee shops and diners now put the lighteners and sweeteners out for you to do what you want with them. Which works, unless you're in a drive-through. In which case, "coffee regular" will still get you coffee with cream and sugar.