Thursday, December 1, 2011


Lots of work to do today, and lots of stories to tell you going forward, but I'm hoping to wrap up this month of gratitude, however belatedly.

A Facebook friend shared this blog post today, and this is a largely preaching-to-the-choir situation here, but I thought it was an interesting one.

Here is what I commented there:
I agree with your bigger, grander points, absolutely. Without question. And while I am not perfect in this, I do strive to live a life in which I accept people as they come (though it is harder with mean people. I mean, right?).

That said, I'm more worried about your friend than about your bigger point, because I know how deeply that hurts. "Jacob," if you're reading: I'm queer, and Christian, and I have found supportive, loving people in my life, in places I wouldn't have imagined. I'm sorry people have abandoned you (as some have abandoned me). Those people suck. You deserve better, and I hope you find better. If you friended me on Facebook, I'd keep you.
Belated Day 26 of my month of gratitude: I am thankful to have supportive, loving people in my life, and I am thankful for the ones who can handle it. I am also thankful for those who can't quite handle it, but try. And I am very thankful for those who went before me, both out queers and loving non-queers, who prepped the world to love me a little more easily.

P.S.: The discussion in the comments on that post has gotten largely bogged down in "IS IT A CHOICE?!" Here, in case you are wondering, are the basic arguments in that conversation, always:
  • It's a choice and you are damned to hell for it.
  • It is not a choice; who would choose such a miserable life?!
  • It is not a choice, just like you didn't choose to be straight!!
  • Love the sinner, hate the sin.
And here, in case you are wondering, are my responses to those arguments:
  • If it is a choice, someone else will be deciding about the whole hell thing; back off.
  • I would. I'm not all that miserable. If it's a choice, I would totally choose it; this life has given me far more blessings than misery.
  • People totally choose to be straight. See: Every creepy closet case politician.
  • You don't have to know whether it's a sin. You don't need this line anymore. You can just love everyone.
  • And a bonus: I suspect that orientation is more of a choice for some than for others, and either way, I think it's not a great basis for denying people their civil rights. "Choice" is a red herring.
Update because not everyone reads the comments, though they should: Commenter icanhasyarn, who shared the original post with me in the first place, observes that everyone should also read the follow-up post. So, so, true. For my money, even better than the first one. Go read it. All of it.


icanhasyarn said...

About the is-it-a-choice question -- personally, my response to that is: it doesn't matter. As long as all parties in a relationship are consenting adults, no one else should have any say in the matter, period.

Did you see the followup "powerful responses" post ( The first two are pretty horrible, but some of the others are amazing -- for instance, a son was reunited with his mother and another person decided not to commit suicide, all because of that blog post. It shows that there is some hope for humanity.

bzzzzgrrrl said...

Hey, icanhasyarn.

First, agreed about the choice thing. That is what I was trying to get at in my roundabout way. Choice is a diversion from the real thing, which is that it's none of anyone else's business.

Second, I hadn't, and thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. I have updated my post to include it, because, awesome.

Joe said...

Wow. We need more people like that guy in this world.
Thanks for sharing this, CMC. While it was great to read all of the supportive comments, it was equally troubling to read the opposing views.
I respect their right to an opinion, but man. . .so hateful.

Lisa Clarke said...

That was great. Thanks for passing it along - I stayed up way past my bedtime to read both posts through to the end ;-)

I will never understand such intolerance...