Here is the story of the hurricane...

I was going to maybe post some foliage pictures today. I also considered telling you about my great weekend. Instead, Frankenstorm is coming, and I thought it might be fun to liveblog until the power goes out. Right?

2:44 Here's where things stand:

• Frankenstorm (Hurricane Sandy plus a cold front) is headed this way.
• In anticipation, the college I work at has been closed for the day.
• The worst of the storm is supposed to be 2-9 p.m.
• So far, we're getting what would in other circumstances be described as a light shower.
• A year ago, Hurricane Irene was also predicted to be devastating. It was, about 20 miles west. Horrible. Here in my town, we only ever got showers.
• I am attempting neither to over- nor under-react. So: 
• My phone is charged.
• My bathtub is filled with water.
• I know where at least one lantern and at least one candle are located.
• The windows are closed, and so is the garage door.
• I have perhaps naively put some of Beth's Salsa Chicken in the crock pot, which will either mean I have delicious food later or a bunch of half-cooked spicy bacteria I have to throw away because the power went out.

Now I should be cleaning house before I lose the lights, because it's a mess and I'm home and who knows who'll have to come stay in my hillside haven.

Instead, I am starting to watch a movie I initially attempted to explain to you but am now so appalled that I'm about to watch that I'll only tell you about it if I think you should watch it. Sorry, everyone.

3:02 p.m. Oh, also, Joe Biden was supposed to come to the college today. So really, we've just traded one liveblogging opportunity for another. Stay safe, Brett. No pics, Alexis — there's nothing interesting enough to take pics of yet.

3:27 p.m. Still no real wind to speak of. It is raining harder. This movie is terrible. How often do you want updates, and concerning storm, or household activities, or both?It is possible I have bowling tonight, but for now, we're playing it by ear.

3:34 p.m. Raining even a little harder. I'm turning this movie off. If you would also like to avoid it, it's Albert Fish, about a real-life Depression-era child murderer and cannibal. It's at least as bad as that sounds.

3:42 p.m. Movie's off. Extreme Couponing is on. I'm not saying I have great taste in movies and TV; I'm just saying if I'm going to watch crap, I'd prefer it not to make me sick to my stomach. Possibly related: That salsa chicken smells amazing.

3:55 p.m. My mechanic friend just called to ask if he could park his limo and possibly some other cars in my higher-elevation-than-his-shop driveway. hells yes, I say. Also: It is possible that the reason it seems unwindy to me is that the window I am looking out its the one on the side of my house least likely to get wind. When my craving for a Pepsi Throwback gets so bad I need to indulge it, I'll get up and look out a different window and let you know.

4:06 p.m. Pepsi Throwback obtained, but not without incident: I might have spilled a bunch of ice on the floor. Not a lot of wind on any side of the house. I'm considering a fire in the fireplace. Also, a person whose day can be in part described with "she calls the store manager for a routine check on coupon policies" have different routines than mine.

4:25 p.m. Here's the thing about bowling: Even if it's OK when I leave the house at 6:15, if it's not OK when I'm done bowling at 8:30 or 9, I'm stuck at the bowling alley for who knows how long. We should just not go, right? But I love my queer bowling. Sigh.

4:36 p.m. I got bored with Extreme Couponing and also discovered that there was a whole season of Important Things with Demetri Martin I hadn't seen. Everyone should always be watching that show. Unrelated but potentially useful: If you need to find an emergency shelter from the storm, you can text FEMA.

4:57 p.m. Commenter Emily (fun side note: many many of my friends are named Emily. I a little bit wonder which one that is) has requested the recipe for salsa chicken. I assume and hope it's OK to share, but I'd rather check with Beth first. Another fun side note: If you are my IRL persona's Facebook friend (that doesn't sound healthy), you can look at my "notes" and find a whole long one full of awesome Crock Pot recipes.

5:06 p.m. Permission granted! Also, the wind's picking up.

4 boneless chicken breasts
large jar of salsa
can black beans
corn (frozen or canned), however much you want
Put the boneless chicken breasts in your crockpot. Even frozen.
Dump in one large jar of salsa.
Drain and rinse one can of black beans and dump in crockpot.
Turn your crockpot on and leave it there all day. Come back 10 hours later and open the crockpot. Shred up the chicken. Add the corn. Stir it up good.
Serve in bowls with sides of shredded Mexican cheeses and sour cream. Eat with tortillas or tortilla chips. (You could eat it in taco shells, too.)

5:37 p.m. We should really make a decision about bowling.

5:57 p.m. The bowling teammates and I have decided not to bowl. It feels like a smart choice. Especially since, as I was on the phone with one of said teammates:

• we realized there were two other opportunities to hang out in the next two days, and
• the wind picked up. It's starting to feel like a hurricane.

Also, are you impressed by how many times I have managed to type "bowling" and not typed "blowing," especially in the middle of a wind-based storm? I sort of am. Off to call Yankee Lanes.

6:26 p.m. Sorry for these long gaps between posts; I am running out of things to say, a little, except to individuals, which is why I seem to have moved somewhat to gchat and Facebook chat. If I say anything hilarious in either of those media, I will try to repost here. Meanwhile, I am finally going to eat some of that salsa chicken. And maybe start a fire in the fireplace. Or make some lemonade. Or make some lemonade and then turn it into whiskey lemonade. And keep it away from the computer.

7:16 p.m. Wind does not seem to have gotten worse and may have died down. Rain seems neither better nor worse. I am drinking lemonade from a cup with a lid. The salsa chicken is fantastic. If you wonder how much corn is "however much you want" from that recipe above, in my case, it's a lot. A whole lot.

7:35 p.m. I have very few regrets in this life; even most of my bad decisions have gotten me other places I want to be, have helped me learn and grow. But I do kind of wish I'd gone bowling.

7:37 p.m. I'm going to challenge myself. I think I can clean the whole sunroom, have it presentable for guests, in 15 minutes. What do you think? Also, I initially wrote "...have it resentable for guests..." Well, you know what? If you're a guest, and you actually resent my cleaning efforts, you can go to hell, buddy. Right to hell. Sometimes blogging is a procrastination tool. OK. Really going to clean for 15 minutes now.

8:07 p.m. Fifteen minutes was not enough, but 25 minutes was enough to clean the sunroom AND talk about the imminent cancellation of someone else's Halloween party to which I was not invited AND go to the bathroom AND put on pajamas. So, not bad.

8:32 p.m. Local schools are closed tomorrow; still no word on whether I have work. But the rain seems to be getting stronger; I'll be surprised if the worst of the storm is really past us by 9. Are any of you still reading? Comment to keep me (and each other) company.

8:41 p.m. I have a special guest star coming!

8:45 p.m. The guest star has arrived. We are now watching Important Things with Demetri Martin together. This promises to be way more entertaining for me than for you, I think. He is the same guest star as we had for the first debate.

8:49 p.m. ... Except now we are out of episodes. We are going back to watching the last episode of the first season. It's on time. Hahahahahaha.

9:03 p.m. The college is closed until noon tomorrow. So, that's cool.

10:24 p.m. OMG you guys. I am so sorry, I didn't forget about you. But Special Guest Star and i started talking about feminism and stuff and then we started watching Hot In Cleveland which you really should be watching. Still have power, still have a few Fritos (though SGS is making a dent in that), and the storm may actually be winding down.

10:57 p.m. SGS and I think but are not sure the rain has stopped.